The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
