They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dear god my vagina.
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