I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
