omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
