Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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