how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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