Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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