i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
