Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
