I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
