"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
