if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
