I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
