I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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