I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
