Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize