Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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