I want to make a zoo with you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
