But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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