I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
