I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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