Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
