but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
