how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
