We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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