I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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