your room smells of hookers.
And success
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
