he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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