the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
