so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He passed out mid-signature
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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