I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
