why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
