Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
