i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
