Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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