My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
