puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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