I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
