i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
