If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
