she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
