I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
