Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
