I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
