apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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