pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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