If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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