We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
