Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
