So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
