why do cheetos always look like penises
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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