yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
