his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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