apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
