living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
