It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize