Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
