I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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