It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
