She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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