1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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