He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
