we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize