from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize