if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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