My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
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