yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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