Sponge bath it is.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
