We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
