Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
