I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
