We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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