i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
