Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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