i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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