he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
