your parents love me but you hate me
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
