the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize