I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
