She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
