we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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