Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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