Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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