just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
