I'm so fucking centered right now
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
