The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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