I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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