I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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