just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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