We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
why do cheetos always look like penises
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
