I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
