When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
