I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize