I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
