Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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