I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
