i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
