You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
