Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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