Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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