Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
