Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
