Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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