Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
this hospital has no fireball
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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