Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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