I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize