I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
