you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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